Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
