no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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