Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
