This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
