I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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