Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
