You're my little dorito
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
