you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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