Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
