Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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