If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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