It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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