dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
