dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
