Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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