okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
