Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize