Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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