I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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