I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
