My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
