just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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