nut hugger
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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