we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize