Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
