I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize