this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So much Jack, so little girl.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
