Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
