According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I touched a dick in church today
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
