those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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