I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
