the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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