he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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