The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
