its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
