I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
