Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
