so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
