also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
