I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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