she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
