Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
