I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
