You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize