you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
