last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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