I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
