If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize