dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
