i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
