Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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