I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
