TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
