I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
