No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize