i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
