i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
