I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
