oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
someone threw a dead crab at me
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
