adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
