Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
