PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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