it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
