We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
