So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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