Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
