the new term for farting is butt boxing.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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