Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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