turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
